I'm your effin' fairy godmother
by Question Point
Summary: Hinata finds herself cornered in her room by a shockingly intimidating man in a sparkly, pink shirt claiming to grant her every wish. "Look here, your life sucks. The 'higher powers' decided to equip you with sex on legs here, AKA Hidan." HidaHina :3 M for Hidan's mouth and... maybe some steamy scenes in the future? - SEE PROFILE FOR INFO.
1. Chapter 1

**Yeah, this story got deleted... and I wasn't gonna post it again, but! I didn't delete it from my documents, and when I saw it, I had a small joy heart attack :'D**

** I don't own **_**Naruto**_**.**

***PS: I feel like this chapter is a little fast moving, but that's just because I was getting all angsty to get to her meeting him. I'll probably just rewrite this chapter sometime in the future because the tense is all messed up anyway Dx **

** Ah, whatever! Enjoy!**

* * *

Hyuuga Hinata was having an off day.

Again.

The midnight-haired heiress pressed her hand against her ear, hoping to keep the hair from flying in her face as the wind rushed through it. She let out a small sigh as she shut her notebook, deciding that she could get nothing done with the wind threatening to steal her math homework every time she let go. In retrospect, trying to do Pre-Calculus in the park was probably a bad idea in the first place.

She pursed her lips as she glared up at the puffy, fast-moving clouds. Not being able to finish her homework—just another thing to add to the list of why this was the worst day in the history of forever for her.

When she awoke, she found that the month of Spring (which she already hated—Winter being her favorite season) had decided to bring an allergy attack upon her. She walked into the kitchen, sniffing all the way, and took her pills without a complaint—only to have the second pill catch right on the back of her tongue. She choked, coughing for what felt like an eternity before finally realizing she had an entire glass of water right next to it and drinking it like she had been for forty years without so much as a drop.

After nearly killing herself with allergy medicine, Neji decided to show up. He was better now that they were older—yes—but he had always and would always look down at others.

"Hinata, Hayashi-sama has summoned you."

She nodded, trying to ignore the nerves churning suddenly in her stomach. "Thank you, Neji," she said, rushing past him and down the hallway. Her father calling upon her was seldom a good thing.

She took a deep breath and pushed open the sliding door.

"Hinata, take a seat," the Hyuuga leader motioned to the cushioned seat across from him.

Obediently, she sat. "You called for me?"

He took a drink of his tea before looking at her. "Hinata… you are so like your mother."

Her eyes widened. That was certainly random. "What… do you mean?" she asked cautiously.

He sighed. "Your mother… she was a kind and gentle woman. Much too gentle to lead a company such as this." He closed his eyes. "Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"That… That I am not fit to lead that company?"

He opened his eyes but did not look at her. Instead, he focused his eyes on the ceiling. "This company is just not fit for someone of your…" Hayashi hesitated.

"Weakness?" she interjected boldly.

He looked at her, shock clear in his eyes. "That's not…"

"No, it's fine really," she smiled. "I mean, after all, Hanabi is the one really fit to lead the company. It's been clear ever since she was small."

"Hinata…"

"Is that all you had to say?"

"I…" He sighed. "Yes."

"Thank you, then. I'll be going." She stood, bowed, and started toward the door, her cheeks flooding with color.

"I loved your mother…" he muttered under his breath, stopping Hinata, her hand on the door. She stood there for a moment, her mouth open slightly with the shock of his words.

She turned to him with a kind smile. "I know. She…" Hinata closed her eyes. "She loved you, too." And with that, she fled from the room,

* * *

Hinata threw herself onto her bed with a large sigh, burying her face in the fluffy, white pillows. She rolled over to her side, watching as a pillow fell off the bed, dragging her notebook down with it. Her perfectly organized math notes fluttered all over the floor.

The Hyuuga sighed, pushing her heavy, tired body off of the bed. She dropped unceremoniously to the floor and began scooping the papers into an unorganized pile. She shoved them violently into her notebook, wanting nothing more than to get into her nice, soft bed and sleep until the school year was over—no—until she graduated.

She got to her knees, placing the notebook back on her bed—farther from the edge this time. When she turned to stand, she found herself staring at a blob of colors and—were those sparkles—yes, sparkles?

She froze, slowly looking up. Her lavender orbs met amaranthine irises gleaming with mischief.

The man standing before her smirked. "Damn, bitch. I didn't expect you to get on your knees for me so soon."


	2. Chapter 2

******Thanks for reviewing, lovelies :3**

**I still don't own _Naruto._**

* * *

**Chapter 2**

Hinata gasped, falling back. She crawled away from the man, staring with wide eyes. "W-Who are you?-!" she gasped, stumbling to her feet. She looked at him, eyes scanning every detail for the police report she would surely have to write. He was memorable, to say the least. His eyes were the most vibrant shade of violet she had ever seen—flecks of mauve and amethyst added to their devilish depth. His pearly hair was perfectly gelled back, not a hair out of place. Actually, there was one. And it stuck straight up—but that was unimportant.

But, the most memorable thing, by far, was his clothing. His outfit consisted of baggy black pants that tightened just around his ankles—keeping them from falling over his black and red tennis shoes. He wore a cloak—a _cloak_—with red clouds dotting the otherwise blank black material. It fell to just above his knees—it had obviously been longer before, but the bottom appeared to be ripped. The cloak was unzipped and revealed a very _interesting_ choice of shirt.

_**I LIVE TO SERVE**_ was printed in large, blue letters across the fabric. The pink fabric.

Pink and sparkly.

Hinata found this to take off the edge of his scariness a bit.

He stared, smirking. He looked her over—head to toe.

The cobalt-haired girl shifted nervously, feeling like she was being violated. She pursed her lips, eyebrows furrowing. "Answer me!" she demanded in her "heiress voice," as her friends called it.

"Me-yow," he mocked an angry cat noise, pawing at the air before him with his hand. "Kitty's got claws."

She stared, dumfounded at the gesture. "Excuse me?"

The silver-haired stranger crossed his arms with a sigh. "Maybe you're not such a goody-goody." He sighed, slamming a palm into his jaw and popping his neck loudly. Hinata winced at the sound. "Well, I guess I should get to it." He shoved a hand into the pocket of his cloak. He took a deep breath, and, for a wild moment, Hinata wondered if he could breathe fire. But then—"CONGRATULATIONS!" he bellowed, pulling a small cylinder from his pocket.

_POP_

Brightly colored paper bits fell all over Hinata's head and shoulders as she stood motionless, staring at the maniac before her. "Wha—?" was all she could manage to say.

The psycho sighed—as if breaking into teenage girls' houses and popping confetti poppers in their faces was a boring, every-day thing—and began waving around the confetti popper, that, apparently, had a small flag that read _Congratulations_ in print that Hinata recognized from cheesy birthday cards.

"Congrats to you," he said in a bored, almost sigh-like manner, "your life is officially so fucking crappy that the forces of good and yahoo and yippity fucking doo have decided to take pity on your pathetic life." He stopped waving the little flag and tossed it over his shoulder. "Name's Hidan." He stared at her expectantly.

She stared back, eyes wide, but said nothing.

His eyebrow twitched slightly. "Fine, fine. If you want to be a rude bitch, then don't introduce yourself. I'll just continue on, seeing as introductions aren't really necessary on your part. I know everything about you, Hyuuga." His mouth turned up into a deadly half-smile. "Even what you did last summer."

Hinata blinked. "I stayed home every day last summer."

Hidan smirked, obviously pleased that he had managed to get some words out of her. "No you didn't. On two days went out with the pink-haired bitch and on one day you went out with your pussy-lookin' cousin."

The heiress found it a bit disturbing that she knew exactly which cousin he was referring to. She huffed. "Just who are you? A stalker? Have you come to kidnap me? Are you one of my father's corporate enemies?"

The man in the sparkly shirt blinked. "Stalker?" He ticked angrily. "Bitch, you wish I was stalking you. And if I was here to kidnap you, believe me, we'd already be the fuck outta this joint." He grumbled under his breath. "How about you shut your fucking mouth and let me finish my little introduction."

Hinata's hand twitched. She had never really understood what Sakura meant when she said that Naruto simply grated on her nerves until she had no other choice but to knock his lights out.

She was beginning to understand.

"Sit."

Hinata blinked. "Excuse me?"

Hidan sighed, raking a hand through his hair and smoothing down the one hair that had been out of place. "You deaf or just dumb, bitch?"

A heavy sigh escaped the heiress's lips. How vulgar this man was. He had covered about as many curses as Kiba did in a month in about five minutes.

He grumbled, taking a step towards her. His hands came down on her shoulders and pushed her onto the bed. She sat there, frozen, confused out of her mind, and looking up at him as he pulled out an index card.

"Alright, now that you're seated, we can get started." He coughed into his fisted hand and began reading from the index card. "You have been deemed worthy of assistance in your troubles in life. The higher powers"—Hidan snorted before continuing—"have decided that you have not brought troubles upon yourself and are, truly, doing your best to fix your situation but simply lack the tools to—ugh. Fuck this shit." He tossed the index card over his shoulder. "Look here, your life sucks major ass."

Hinata blinked.

"The 'higher powers'"—he made air quotes around _higher powers_—"have decided that fate has fucked you over so fucking hard that you can't get your ass out of the deep, spiraling depression you're in." He smirked. "So, they've decided to equip you with sex on legs here, AKA Hidan."

Hinata stared at him blankly.

Hidan blinked. "Well? Aren't you going to ask what I can do? Who the 'higher powers' are? Fuck, bitch, aren't you even a little curious as to how I know your name, _Hinata_?" he purred her name in a way that made her want to kick him out the window and run away for fear of being raped.

Instead, she just sat there. Still staring.

"Well, fuck." He scratched the back of his neck. "You're making this a lot harder than it needs to be."

"What?" Hinata asked, eyebrows furrowing. "Making _what_ harder than it needs to be?"

He cleared his throat. "You are my godchild."

"…"

"I am your godfather."

Hinata blinked. "Uhm… I think my father has already told me who my godfather is."

"Not one of those wanna-be-family-members godfathers." He smirked. "I'm the magical sort."

"Like Cinderella's?"

Hidan seemed morally offended. "Excuse me, bitch? Do I look like a crazy old hag flying around flying 'round and bashing people in the fucking heads with a wand?" He huffed, crossing his arms. "Bippity boppity boo my ass."

Hinata pursed her lips, deciding to play along. "Well, if you don't have a magic wand, how do you make things happen?"

He smirked arrogantly. "Wish for something."

"What?"

"Wish for something. Anything."

"Okay, um," she held her hands opt, saying the first thing that came to mind. "I wish I had my mother's lost necklace in my hands."

Hidan's eyebrows rose. "Alright. Your wish—my command." He snapped his fingers, and Hinata felt something cold on her fingers. She looked down, and, sure enough, her mother's necklace was there in her hands.

She made a sort of choked, dying cat sound before looking back to Hidan, mouth agape. He smiled an arrogant half-smile that clearly read "I told you so."

Hinata threw the necklace on her bed. "T-That doesn't prove anything!" she exclaimed as she began rubbing her hands together nervously. "Y-You could have known I was going to wish for that and just found it!"

Hidan rolled his eyes. "Why the fuck would I go through all that trouble?"

The fact that she did not have an answer for that didn't stop the Hyuuga. "Fine! I'll wish for something that you couldn't possibly do!"

He snorted. "Hit me."

"I wish I had a-a,"—she scanned her brain for random ideas—"a tame squirrel that had a bright pink spot on its head."

Hidan stared at her for a moment with a _Really, Bitch? Really?_ look before shaking his head and snapping his fingers. Then, out of literally nowhere, there was a small squirrel on Hinata's shoulder. She blinked and stared at it for a moment, her eyes zeroing in on a small pink dot atop the squirrel's head.

She gasped, shaking the squirrel off of her shoulder. It landed gracefully on the floor and stared up at her as she freaked out. "N-No way!"

"Yes way," Hidan said, stretching and popping his fingers. "Anything else you wanna wish for? A purple polka-dotted elephant? Dolphin with a green dick?"

Instead of responding, Hinata fell to the ground with a loud thud.


End file.
